Excuse me, you forgot your willpower…

Hello my faithful subscribers and readers. I am writing this blog post with a slightly heavy heart (and heavier arse if we are being honest). First of all- this is a very “me me me me” entry. Just saying!

I started CWP 13 March 2015 and for the first 7 months it was a whirlwind of losses, confidence boosts, fresh outlooks and motivation. Then something changed. I got lazy. I got complacent. I got a bit cocky on holiday. I got full of excuses. I got discouraged. I got sluggish. I got used to the gains again. I got used to trying to make myself invisible again. I got used to all the shit I put myself through before I lost weight.

Excuses… are very different from reasons aren’t they. Initially, I did have a decent reason- holidays and Christmas. Tricky month, no problem lets get back on it right? But then the excuses began:

I feel ill. I am too tired. I’ve messed up this week. After next weigh in I’ll restart. I haven’t gained it all back, I am still good. I still fit into my clothes. I had an anxiety attack. I broke a nail. The cat is sick. I have a headache. I have a split end. One last meal and then I’ll quit….honest…

Sound familiar?

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Reading back on my last few entries, I can see where I want to get back on track. I want to show the world that this diet works (and to be honest, it really does). I don’t want to be the “failure”. The one who lost a chunk of weight and gained it back straight away. I’ve never pretended that this plan is easy, and I’m the first one to say that a lot of people do this plan whilst juggling young families and more commitments than I have. Doesn’t mean it’s any easier for me I guess.

Today my consultant showed me why she’s my consultant, and why she’s so bloody good at what she does. I had exceeded the grace period for messing about and she let me know! The excuses are back. The sighs. The “but I really want this”. But do I?? I haven’t shown that I want my healthy lifestyle. It’s funny but she pointed out that she can’t remember the last time I came to a weigh in with manicured nails.

That really hit home to me.

When was the last time I painted my nails?? When was the last time I had my hair cut? When did I last wear make up? Why was I wearing the fat clothes? Why wasn’t I looking at myself in the mirror? Why had the selfies stopped? WHY?

In a perfect world I wouldn’t be writing this blog post. I’d be dancing around announcing I was almost at my goal weight. I’d be posting a million pictures of myself. But clearly, this is real life- my life. It’s a harsh lesson to learn, and maybe I’ve still not quite grasped it. But there is no chance in hell that I’m going to stop trying.

I feel slightly embarrassed and ashamed at writing this, and also slightly exposed. Weight loss is tied to so many different feelings. People associate it with moral character, your personality, your worth. I think they are right in a way- how much better was my life when I weighed less? I got more done, I was a nicer person to be around, I was driven, focused and did more. I was the best version of me.

So- going back to some of my old habits this year- what have I gained (apart from the obvious, fnar fnar)? Crap skin; double chin has returned; sweaty bum crack is back; constantly tired; feeling physically and mentally terrible; not being as social; not enjoying life as much.

Oh- and no food in the world helped any of the “reasons” I had for not sticking to the plan!

I feel I should apologise a little as this hasn’t been a very good weight loss blog recently! But this is for anyone who has done well, struggled, or is having a wobble.

Trust in yourself, no excuses, just do it.

C xx

 

16 thoughts on “Excuse me, you forgot your willpower…

  1. Come on Chanden you can do this, you know you can. Draw a massive line & then only look forward and go for it. Have a week 100% and you’ll be so motivated by the huge loss it will keep you going. You’ve been such an inspiration for so many of us. I’ve followed your progress since I started and your step 2 recipes really helped me to stay in track. Everyone has difficult times but YOU CAN DO IT. Get that arse back in gear girl XX

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Only just discovered your blog Chanden.
      And at just the right life saving time I reckon . Recipes look amazing.
      I haven’t painted my nails in months either, suddenly seemed too self indulgent!
      Your blog has hopefully booted me up the bum, come on up you get …. Time to sparkle this summer xx

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I love that my consultant knows me well enough to point it out- in the nicest possible way of course!!
      Thank you for your lovely comment- I have loved putting this site and recipes together, all the brilliant supportive comments have given me such a boost- here’s to a 100% day!! Xx

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  2. Oh Ms Sidhu, I’m so glad you wrote this tonight. I actually read it whilst eating half a packet of Double Stuff Oreos and drinking chocolate milk. Sadly, this is not a lie.

    My planned six days off plan over Christmas and New Year has actually now spiralled into almost nine weeks. In that time, I’ve had one 100% day. I’ve done no exercise for almost ten weeks.

    So yes, I’m back to feeling fat, sluggish, embarrassed, ashamed and hating myself again. I’m struggling to get up the stairs to my flat when I do venture out. I’m not bothered really about showering, washing my hair or doing my make up. My nails are crap. My skin though is actually going through a good patch right now. I’m dehydrated as I’m not drinking anywhere near enough and the only water I’m having is in full sugar Ribena. My flat really needs cleaning. My sleep pattern is shot to pieces – I’m staying up until the early, early hours then sleeping until early afternoon – and, when I do get out of bed, it’s literally to move to the sofa. I feel exhausted all the time and it’s more than just the natural fatigue that comes with MS.

    I know I feel so much better when I’m on plan and exercising in every way yet why isn’t that enough? Why doesn’t the part of my brain that wants to lie in bed all day watching Judge Rinder and eating my own body weight in toast (again, not a lie) compute that?

    Sadly, I AM the girl who lost nine stone and put it all back on again. It was so easy the first time but I hit target four years ago now (was it really that long ago?) and I’m a million restarts down the line since then but no further forward, just keep going backwards. The ten weeks I did before Christmas was the most serious restart I’ve had in all that time – I lost 27lbs but I got piased off and demotivated because it was so slow. 2.7lbs a week and that was not even eating any food and exercising at least three times a week, sometimes four or five. I hate the fact that the medication that keeps me walking also makes weight loss this hard. I haven’t weighed myself but must be close to putting it all back on. Arrgghhh! And I worked SO bloody hard as well.

    But actually, before I read this tonight, I had planned to restart tomorrow. I have a few things coming up over the next few months that involve eating that I want to enjoy – when I say I don’t get out much, I really doj’t – but I know I must not let this spiral again. I’m going to have an early night tonight then set my alarm, get up early tomorrow, deep clean half my flat (will do the rest on Sunday) and then sit down with the Beck Diet Solution and make a start on that. I have to do something!

    But thank you for being so brutally honest in this blog post. I wish you all the best as always. And we can do this. I know we can 💪🏼 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my love xxx that was super honest of you.
      I love how we are so supportive of each other- I really dreaded writing this blog but it’s time like this when we need that support network.
      When it’s going well we can do anything we put our minds to.

      My beck solution is on my kitchen counter for after I get home from work tomorrow.
      We are still here. The appearance comment really made me think – it’s a familiar spiral that I really don’t like.
      Let’s get back to our best routines- and get posting again in juliets group mmmkay! Xxxxx
      Lots of love xxx

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  3. I’ve been avoiding the group because I’m embarrassed that I can’t get a handle on this but they’re probably the people that would understand the most.

    I’m seeing my consultant on Monday and facing the music. Hopefully, it won’t be as bad as I’m expecting. Pfffft! But I’ll post in the group on Monday regardless.

    After all, a deal’s a deal! 👋🏼 (that’s the closest I can find to a handshake!) 😂

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    1. Haha yeah- ironically it’s when we struggle that we need the support the most but feel less inclined to post isn’t it!
      Take care of yourself, have a good weekend but don’t over do it!! And let’s meet Monday with a post! Xxxxxx

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  4. Hi Chanden, thank you for this blog post. I really needed it.. I gained a pound in my last weigh in and i wasn’t really sure why – i had stuck to the plan closely and hadn’t veered off drastically and this has subconsciously been getting me down and all these questions in my head – does the diet really work? Will i ever lose all the weight? aaargh food smelling great everywhere – it’s been a tough week and i’ve just realised i ate more chicken than the allowed amount per day (it was an accident..) and now i am feeling guilty about it. but your post made me realise hiccups happen, but you just have to re-focus and keep going. and i am more than likely to feel 10x worse if i give up now for a few moments of weakness. and i am going to contact my consultant also. i don’t think i utilise her help enough. thank you and keep writing. i look really forward to your posts – they are so honest and hit home all the time XX KEEP GOING XXX

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello! I really feel for you – I could have written this myself. Have been so stupid, have regained masses and feeling revolting! Just want to say thank you. Reading this has helped hugely. Today is Day 1 – yet again, but with a splash of inspiration, courtesy you. Hope things have got better for you since you wrote this post. Right. Lunchtime. Here goes…. spag bol or ? Best of luck! Louise PS Manicured nails? – ha ha. (But I do get my roots done…)

    Date: Thu, 18 Feb 2016 19:26:45 +0000 To: louiseepeters@hotmail.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I take comfort in the fact that we do keep trying! It will be a dark day when we completely stop caring :/
      I just had a Mac and cheese! Today I’ve begun fresh and 100%. Really can’t wait for that healthy feeling when all the nutrition kicks in.
      Keep going Hun- you have the roots and I’ll have the nails lol seems fair! Xx

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    1. I am doing well but got stuck at xmas! Like you my mind will always be the same. Wish that would change but have to accept it won’t and move onwards! X

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  6. Just found your link from searching recipes. I just finished a huge pizza and 4 apple pies. 😦 I really really need to get a grip. Just got bored on the diet, but I don’t want to gain all that weight back. 😦

    Like

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