Dear Fatty…

Greetings my gorgeous readers,

It’s been a rather up and down few weeks- hormones, emotions, ice cream, tears, tantrums, credit card bills. You know, the usual.

A chance message through my website actually prompted me to write this post. A representative for a different diet plan had left a comment for me and I almost just marked it as spam- but it turns out that I have been featured in a Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers list! The theme was less well known bloggers and there are some brilliant blogs featured- some that I follow myself already. Take a look (I’m nestled at no. 93) and see if there are any other blogs that catch your eye.

This feature also reminded me of something I had written when I first started this website- as much as this is about weight loss, I wanted to start a dialogue about well-being and being holistic in the approach to weight loss. So today’s theme is more about looking at how I am doing.

How is Chanden? What is she up to? What are her plans? Why is she suddenly talking about herself in the third person??

So what did I do? I wrote a letter to myself. Would you like to read it? I hope you answered “Yes of course!” because it’s written here below…!

Dear Me,

“Hey. How are you? What are you up to? You seem a little distant lately and not your usual self. What’s the matter? 2015 was a pretty fun year wasn’t it! So much stuff happened that you weren’t expecting!

Did you enjoy it? I like to think you had fun. What was the highlight? Doing fun stuff, looking and feeling amazing is in the top five I reckon. Things were looking pretty good- holidays were booked, friendships had been made, everything was just peachy.

Then, you just seemed to falter. Some bad habits started creeping in- those little actions are so insidious in how they creep up on you. A small slip seems manageable at the time. No big deal right? But it lingers. It leaves another craving. A bigger one. You can’t ignore it. ‘One more time’ you start telling yourself. Just one more time. Then I’ll be back  on it, 100% I promise. But you never did get back on it, you were never 100% again. Those ‘onces’ added up.

What happened? What happened to the pretty, confident and sassy lady that you had started to become? Are you scared? Are you trying to sabotage your life? But why?

I know it’s scary, and it’s really REALLY hard but why don’t you do it? Just get to the finish line, see yourself at your goal, and see how it feels like. Don’t second guess yourself.

You can feel how hard and limited it is to be at this weight. It’s like a prison! How much does it hurt to get up? Get up and down the stairs? How quickly do you get out of breath? It’s horrible and it’s crap. You feel upset every time you look in the mirror because the reflection is not you! It’s something/someone that you don’t like. You hate that reflection.

You loved seeing the real ‘you’ emerge. You had great brow game for crying out loud!

Why is eating crap winning over looking and feeling amazing? You’re not lazy really, you’re just lazy now because you’re fat. Too fat to function!! How much stuff did you get done last year! You couldn’t stay still.

How about let’s try again? See how it feels to just go for it. Do the things you want to do. Let’s kill Fat Chanden!!

I love you too much to let you go down this path anymore,

lots of love, Me.

OK so we know that my weight loss hasn’t gone to plan- so what? I’m still here. I’m still present. But what about the rest of my life- I am not defined by my weight and nor should I be. Telling yourself “I’ll do this when I’m slim” is just a cop out really. It’s another form of procrastinating, a glacial pace of giving up.

So what was I going to do?

Obviously I quit my job.

 

There’s a fine line between denying yourself a life and using ‘treats’ as an incentive to stick to a diet. I want to do other things with my life and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Why am I waiting to be a certain size??

Project Chanden is underway- what’s going on in your world?

C xx

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Dear Fatty…

  1. To be honest I was wondering where you’ve gone as not seen much of you on CWP page after your holiday but assumed that life took over! It was a brave decision to so honestly describe own story with its ups and downs… It’s like walking down Oxford Street naked! You know you will be noticed… Some won’t understand… some will judge but others will know exactly what you’ve gone through as they experienced the same battle as you. Like me! With more downs than ups.

    You’re a very good writer Chanden! Your blog is extremely addictive in a god way… Sassy, clever and inspiring with a real ‘Bob’ or ‘Ann’ as a main character! Maximise on this talent… go out there and do what you love! And with a bit of luck I will be able to buy your book off a shelf in Waterstone’s!

    Good luck x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Chanden,

    Well done you, I think what you have done is here is absolutely great. I am in a sense relieved to know that I am not the only one out there that goes through exactly the same feelings. I am on this journey for the third time and no words could possibly describe the determination I have, but at the same time the list that you wrote goes through my head everyday like a never ending roller coaster.I was even put on the Cambridge page for my loss, which is just torture.

    I won’t wish you luck because you have proven here that, that is not a necessity, you have everything within you to know you can, and if anybody, who else but you. You have come so far it’s amazing, I love to read your blog posts again and again because that’s when I actually remember that I am also human and emotions are part and parcel of that but they can be conquered with glee.

    The fact that no amount of food makes up for these thoughts just goes to show it does not rule us, however it can get the better of us. But you have still managed to embrace that with your Step 2 meals which have been a savior for so many including my boyfriend (also on Step 2) who thanks god everyday for your creativity.So Thank You for helping each and every individual that needed that push.

    Would love to keep knowing how your journey is going, I write to myself everyday and reading your blogs really makes me want to post them.

    You can do this, We can do this and nothing will stop us.

    I Can’t wait to read your next post.

    Take Care
    Laxna

    Liked by 1 person

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