Dear Fatty…

Greetings my gorgeous readers,

It’s been a rather up and down few weeks- hormones, emotions, ice cream, tears, tantrums, credit card bills. You know, the usual.

A chance message through my website actually prompted me to write this post. A representative for a different diet plan had left a comment for me and I almost just marked it as spam- but it turns out that I have been featured in a Top 100 Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers list! The theme was less well known bloggers and there are some brilliant blogs featured- some that I follow myself already. Take a look (I’m nestled at no. 93) and see if there are any other blogs that catch your eye.

This feature also reminded me of something I had written when I first started this website- as much as this is about weight loss, I wanted to start a dialogue about well-being and being holistic in the approach to weight loss. So today’s theme is more about looking at how I am doing.

How is Chanden? What is she up to? What are her plans? Why is she suddenly talking about herself in the third person??

So what did I do? I wrote a letter to myself. Would you like to read it? I hope you answered “Yes of course!” because it’s written here below…!

Dear Me,

“Hey. How are you? What are you up to? You seem a little distant lately and not your usual self. What’s the matter? 2015 was a pretty fun year wasn’t it! So much stuff happened that you weren’t expecting!

Did you enjoy it? I like to think you had fun. What was the highlight? Doing fun stuff, looking and feeling amazing is in the top five I reckon. Things were looking pretty good- holidays were booked, friendships had been made, everything was just peachy.

Then, you just seemed to falter. Some bad habits started creeping in- those little actions are so insidious in how they creep up on you. A small slip seems manageable at the time. No big deal right? But it lingers. It leaves another craving. A bigger one. You can’t ignore it. ‘One more time’ you start telling yourself. Just one more time. Then I’ll be back  on it, 100% I promise. But you never did get back on it, you were never 100% again. Those ‘onces’ added up.

What happened? What happened to the pretty, confident and sassy lady that you had started to become? Are you scared? Are you trying to sabotage your life? But why?

I know it’s scary, and it’s really REALLY hard but why don’t you do it? Just get to the finish line, see yourself at your goal, and see how it feels like. Don’t second guess yourself.

You can feel how hard and limited it is to be at this weight. It’s like a prison! How much does it hurt to get up? Get up and down the stairs? How quickly do you get out of breath? It’s horrible and it’s crap. You feel upset every time you look in the mirror because the reflection is not you! It’s something/someone that you don’t like. You hate that reflection.

You loved seeing the real ‘you’ emerge. You had great brow game for crying out loud!

Why is eating crap winning over looking and feeling amazing? You’re not lazy really, you’re just lazy now because you’re fat. Too fat to function!! How much stuff did you get done last year! You couldn’t stay still.

How about let’s try again? See how it feels to just go for it. Do the things you want to do. Let’s kill Fat Chanden!!

I love you too much to let you go down this path anymore,

lots of love, Me.

OK so we know that my weight loss hasn’t gone to plan- so what? I’m still here. I’m still present. But what about the rest of my life- I am not defined by my weight and nor should I be. Telling yourself “I’ll do this when I’m slim” is just a cop out really. It’s another form of procrastinating, a glacial pace of giving up.

So what was I going to do?

Obviously I quit my job.

 

There’s a fine line between denying yourself a life and using ‘treats’ as an incentive to stick to a diet. I want to do other things with my life and I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Why am I waiting to be a certain size??

Project Chanden is underway- what’s going on in your world?

C xx

 

 

 

Cambridge Weight Plan v2.0 

So hey there! I feel I always need to start my posts with an assurance that I’m still alive and well- this obviously means I don’t post enough right?

I’ve been silent because I’ve not had much to post. No progress reports, no new recipes. I have been hiding away still in my own little world.

Following on my previous blog post, I have spent time doing a lot of things:

  • thinking
  • reading
  • sleeping
  • eating

The past few months have seen me totally regress back to using coping mechanisms I am desperate to replace with healthier habits. I won’t lie- I have been comfort eating in such a big way that I have gained the majority of the weight I had lost last year.

It took me a while to figure out why I was doing it and it’s never one straightforward reason but I’ll list a few things here- just a little brainstorm- maybe you will read this and think “Yes, me too!”, or maybe you’ll just think “I’m unsubscribing now!”

  • Fear– the fear of losing weight and what it means- What if I lose weight, become super skinny and am still crap at life? I’ll have just confirmed that I’m just a failure at life!
  • Resignation– I’ve gained a chunk of weight, I’m always going to be the fat person, who am I kidding I might as well just stay fat.
  • Security–  my fat is my physical comfort blanket and armour.
  • Comfort– I still have some toxic friendships/relationships in my life that I didn’t actually see as being toxic. In my own way I’ve just been comfort eating because it’s been bothering me a lot.
  • Laze – in the words of my hangry mum “Sod the diet”. Mate, I like food. I like the taste, the feel, the smell, the nice warm feeling I get when I eat something. So it’s HARD to do this diet. And sometimes I have really not had the inclination.

The toxic relationship aspect was a new revelation- I have worked really hard to get rid of negative people in my life, and the realisation that there were still a few lurkers was surprising as it wasn’t the people I thought it would be! It’s given me a fresh perspective on how I handle the situation and how to ‘protect’ myself from it and not let it affect me. Sometimes you can’t just erase something from your life, but once you know what you’re dealing with, it makes it a whole lot easier to handle.

So that’s what I’ve been up to lately- working, thinking and getting FAAAAT.

Last year, I started this blog a few months into my weightloss journey- and today, I am starting over. My amazing consultant has been there for me- listening, scolding, supporting! And last week she said the thing that made me really REALLY focus:

Bring me back your rosettes

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Readers- my face was a picture. I felt like we were in a cop movie when the Captain says “I need your badge and your weapon!”

So this week I returned my rosettes. I need to earn them again, we are starting over- new card, new starting weight.

And I am happy to report that my first entry was a 2lb loss and 5 and 3/4 inches lost!

Lets get cooking again- and don’t forget to check my instagram @charliekilosugar where I try to post my meal for the day on a regular basis.

Thank you so much if you got to the end of this post and a big thank you for sticking with me! The journey is never ever straightforward is it!

C xx

 

 

Excuse me, you forgot your willpower…

Hello my faithful subscribers and readers. I am writing this blog post with a slightly heavy heart (and heavier arse if we are being honest). First of all- this is a very “me me me me” entry. Just saying!

I started CWP 13 March 2015 and for the first 7 months it was a whirlwind of losses, confidence boosts, fresh outlooks and motivation. Then something changed. I got lazy. I got complacent. I got a bit cocky on holiday. I got full of excuses. I got discouraged. I got sluggish. I got used to the gains again. I got used to trying to make myself invisible again. I got used to all the shit I put myself through before I lost weight.

Excuses… are very different from reasons aren’t they. Initially, I did have a decent reason- holidays and Christmas. Tricky month, no problem lets get back on it right? But then the excuses began:

I feel ill. I am too tired. I’ve messed up this week. After next weigh in I’ll restart. I haven’t gained it all back, I am still good. I still fit into my clothes. I had an anxiety attack. I broke a nail. The cat is sick. I have a headache. I have a split end. One last meal and then I’ll quit….honest…

Sound familiar?

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Reading back on my last few entries, I can see where I want to get back on track. I want to show the world that this diet works (and to be honest, it really does). I don’t want to be the “failure”. The one who lost a chunk of weight and gained it back straight away. I’ve never pretended that this plan is easy, and I’m the first one to say that a lot of people do this plan whilst juggling young families and more commitments than I have. Doesn’t mean it’s any easier for me I guess.

Today my consultant showed me why she’s my consultant, and why she’s so bloody good at what she does. I had exceeded the grace period for messing about and she let me know! The excuses are back. The sighs. The “but I really want this”. But do I?? I haven’t shown that I want my healthy lifestyle. It’s funny but she pointed out that she can’t remember the last time I came to a weigh in with manicured nails.

That really hit home to me.

When was the last time I painted my nails?? When was the last time I had my hair cut? When did I last wear make up? Why was I wearing the fat clothes? Why wasn’t I looking at myself in the mirror? Why had the selfies stopped? WHY?

In a perfect world I wouldn’t be writing this blog post. I’d be dancing around announcing I was almost at my goal weight. I’d be posting a million pictures of myself. But clearly, this is real life- my life. It’s a harsh lesson to learn, and maybe I’ve still not quite grasped it. But there is no chance in hell that I’m going to stop trying.

I feel slightly embarrassed and ashamed at writing this, and also slightly exposed. Weight loss is tied to so many different feelings. People associate it with moral character, your personality, your worth. I think they are right in a way- how much better was my life when I weighed less? I got more done, I was a nicer person to be around, I was driven, focused and did more. I was the best version of me.

So- going back to some of my old habits this year- what have I gained (apart from the obvious, fnar fnar)? Crap skin; double chin has returned; sweaty bum crack is back; constantly tired; feeling physically and mentally terrible; not being as social; not enjoying life as much.

Oh- and no food in the world helped any of the “reasons” I had for not sticking to the plan!

I feel I should apologise a little as this hasn’t been a very good weight loss blog recently! But this is for anyone who has done well, struggled, or is having a wobble.

Trust in yourself, no excuses, just do it.

C xx

 

2016- are you ready for me?

Greetings and Happy New Year my lovely readers!

There has been some radio silence from me lately, for which I am sorry. I am still here and happy to say I’m back on plan and in the swing of things!

I’ve been enjoying my recipes once more and I do have some new meal ideas and serving suggestions in development! My hero vegetable this week has been celeriac- I’ve been singing its praises to anyone and everyone! Normally I would chop up and freeze my celeriac to keep it fresh and ready to cook, but this week the freezer decided to have a wobble and so I had a whole celeriac rolling around the fridge!

I was making chickpea curry one night and I was thinking about Indian food (what’s new..) and in particular about the dish “aloo tikki” which is a North Indian dish of spiced mashed potatoes that are coated in a gram flour batter and deep fried (sorry!). What I did was boil and mash my 80g of celeriac- seasoned with a pinch of cumin seeds and garam masala- I formed little patties and browned each side in a hot pan. They were almost like spicy potato cakes.

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Excuse this picture- you do get more than those two little patties, I had left my dinner unattended and my lovely auntie decided to take a bite argh!

Keeping with the celeriac theme, I also thinly sliced my celeriac and sautéed them- they went beautifully with my cheese omelette and were a decent riff on celeriac crisps without the trauma of accidentally burning them (yes there is a story behind that!).

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This week saw my second weigh in with Karen for 2016 and I had high hopes to be honest. The past week I’ve felt stronger, healthier and less puffy. My clothes have also started to fit better. So it was with some excitement when I stepped up onto the scales. I waited. They were having a think. Another second passed (felt more like a minute).

And the second worst phrase any dieter wants to hear: “You’ve stayed the same”.

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I was the exact same weight as I had been the previous week. Almost to the sodding ounce!

Karen was at a loss. So was I. I hadn’t done anything differently in the previous week- I was eating and drinking the same things as previously so staying the same was a puzzle. I got some better news when we took my measurements- overall one inch off. So I guess that’s better than a kick in the teeth no??

The past few weeks have been a struggle to be honest. From the previous Christmas weigh in to my first one last week I had gained 7lbs. This included nearly a full week back on plan. So in reality I knew I had gained a lot more but had lost a little chunk of that before I saw Karen.

So what does this mean in terms of real time numbers? It means I have gained 36lbs overall in the last 8 weeks. Not brilliant, but not the end of the world either. It does bring it home that 8 weeks of reckless eating and drinking can undo nearly 12 weeks of hard work. I’m not particularly proud of the gain, but I am determined that it isn’t going to derail the ultimate goal I have in mind. I will lose this weight and carry on with my journey. I will also remember how I felt at this point in time when I next go on holiday!!

There is a fine line between accountability and being too self critical. I wanted to post the truth on here to show the reality of dieting and not dieting. I also wanted it on record for myself- as a way of being accountable and to not to hide behind excuses or to pretend it hasn’t happened. But I am not going to make myself feel bad and want to give up and then let it all spiral back out of control. That’s just not how I roll these days.

I’ve felt a little “at sea” recently, but my focus has returned. I found myself bargaining with myself today- ‘one day off plan won’t hurt’ etc. I actually got to the point where I flipped a coin- heads I stay on plan and tails I have a cheat meal.

The coin read tails. Instantly I was torn, and at that moment I knew my mojo was back.

I put the coin away and made my lunchtime Cambridge Weight Plan product.

x

Gains in Vegas never stay in Vegas 

Hi folks!! 

I’ve been rather bad at blogging recently- I returned from the best (and not half as long as it should have been) trip ever! 

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A few holiday snaps that I wanted to share with you- sunrise in the Grand Canyon and a wine tour in Napa Valley- it’s so weird to think I had booked all this before I had even thought about calling Karen, yet all of this would have been practically impossible if I had stayed the weight I was. 

I’ll cut to the chase- I had an extremely indulgent holiday, 4 different locations including a Thankgiving celebration- you know it wasn’t exactly a health spa type of break! When I got back I didn’t need to step on the scales to know that I had gained. I could feel my body getting sluggish, clothes were tighter and I could see the double chin had arrived for a visit. I also knew how much I had eaten and drunk! 

  It was still a wee shock though when I saw Karen. After 3 weeks, I had gained 29 lbs. Yes. That’s right. I know we are all different, and I am the person who gained 9lbs in a week just from constipation! But yeah- that wasn’t a good number to come back to. 

Was it worth it? Pretty much yeah! It was bloody fantastic! But I did learn a few lessons about what I see as “treats” and how I need to work on knowing when I am full. I also need to remind myself that the food isn’t going to run out anytime soon!! 

So, I get back. I’m raring to get back on Step 2. I wanna lose the holiday bloat and get back to business. I begin. And struggle. And start feeling bad. 

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What is it about food and dieting that gets us feeling so crappy and guilty all the time?! 

My first week was a bit of a washout. I was jet lagged, not ready and just unprepared. I was also really surprised at this for some reason! But you know what- shit happens. This is what Plan B is made for. I stopped. Took a breath. Karen reassured me I wasn’t a total failure and we set a date. 

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That date was 12th December 2015 and I am happy to report that I’m back on track! 

I’m reconnecting with my meals, getting my routine back and seeing where the holiday period takes me! Sending you all lots of love and encouragement as I know December is always a bit of a hard month to get through- but we can do it! And even if you struggle- it’s fine. Do what you can, be kind to yourself, and never give up! 

Xx

A Cambridge Weight Plan State Of Mind

Good evening my lovelies.

I appear to have had a little unplanned break from the website but fear not, I am still here! Weight wise, I lost 4lbs and then found 3lbs this week via water retention and the curse of the lady plague *die*. Conversely, my measurements still continued to go down which has kept me going.

The last two weeks have been tough. I won’t lie- I was so close to jacking in the plan and just spiralling back into the vicious cycle of futile thoughts and self sabotage. I was tired, distracted, not focussed and honestly not putting the effort in to cook my meals or make sure I was having my products properly.

There were several reasons for these feelings really. The main distracting thought was that I had found a worrying lump and change in my chest. Fortunately I got the all clear from my doctor and also a “Well done” for being vigilant. However, this being me, I had already written my last Will and Testament before my appointment even arrived.

The doctor also explained that after such a big weight loss, things are bound to feel a bit different but was still pleased that I was taking notice and said I had done the right thing. So my little plea for you all is to be aware of the changes in your body but also go get those changes checked if you are even the tiniest bit concerned (applies equally to us ladies and the gents)!

I have mentioned in my previous posts that I’ve been super busy with work, things seem to have gone crazy and my whole routine has been rocked. I have discovered that whilst keeping busy is good- it has come at the cost of my “motivation maintenance”. This has fed into the last niggle- the apparent seven month itch.

It took me a little while, but I finally figured what was happening. I have been doing CWP for so long, it’s just become part of my life and routine. However, what I didn’t realise was that the habits I had established to keep me motivated had lapsed. I had been on the program so long I just started to take my will power for granted. When I got busy with work, I coped initially but then started to struggle a lot after a while. I couldn’t understand why I was finding it so hard to focus and started to feel like I would be on Step 2 forever.

It took a little honesty on my part, and a massive boost of morale from my support network to get my mind focused on what needed to be done. In particular, my wonderful consultant Karen. She listened, and then reminded me of how far I had come (6 stone 8lbs people!!!) and also encouraged me to think of all the things I was doing now that would not have happened six months ago (I knew there was a reason she was my consultant!).

I came away from our last meeting refreshed, and determined to get my head back in the game. For me it means getting back to basics- reminding myself why I want to do this! Below is a pic of a list I made a long time ago. I forgot I had it and as I read it, I realised just how far I had come.

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I am so proud to say that I can tick most of these off the list already. How on earth did I let myself believe I wasn’t achieving anything?!

But here’s the rub. We put so much effort in at the start of our journeys. We make the lists, draw up the charts, collage motivational quotes and celebrate each weeks successes.  But when we are in this for the long haul, we need to remember to keep on doing this. The big lesson I have learnt over the past two weeks is that this is a constant discipline. Sticking to the plan is easy physically. But when you stop being your biggest cheerleader and take for granted that you’ll be fine- that’s when you need to have a word with yourself!

My favourite example is of brushing my teeth. You don’t brush your teeth once and then you’re done. You need to do it twice a day to maintain healthy teeth and gums (oh my dentist will be so proud)- why would maintaining the weightloss mindset be any different?

I’m back bitches!!!

C x

The single lb that nobody ever wants!

Greetings my lovelies,

It’s been a stupendously busy week again for me (I’m not a fan of this regular going to work malark!). It’s crazy how much a break in routine can make you go la-la. Mostly this week I’ve either relied on frozen meals I’d prepared earlier or I have been cooking two portions of protein at a time so that I can save time for food prep when I’m super tired at the end of the day.

It proved to me that preparation really is the key ingredient to be successful- thanks to my advance cooking and the emergency bar I keep in my bag, I stayed 100% on plan. I am sorry to say my water intake suffered slightly though, and this was possibly reinforced by this weeks weigh in.

I lost a grand total of One Pound. I’ll be honest, I lost my shit a little when my consultant Karen told me. I always say a loss is a loss, but for two minutes I was properly miffed. Until I was reminded that I have lost 6 stone 4lbs so far! That one pound has contributed to that! Poor little pound, no one ever seems to want to see it!

So I started to get over it, I had lost weight and inches from my waist and hip. Then Karen reminded me again why she is the best consultant ever! She showed me the tape measure around my thigh at the size it was at our first meeting. Oh. My. God. IMG_6144So yeah….about that one pound loss this week… didn’t seem so catastrophic all of a sudden! If you do ever start to feel like you’re in a rut and not progressing, I strongly urge you to do this exercise- I had forgotten just how BIG I was when I started. Be proud of every pound!!

In my re-inflated mood I decided that dinner would be something extra special! I’d bought a packet of aduki beans a few weeks ago, after searching in 4 other supermarkets for the bleeders! Thursday night was going to be….taco night! This was delicious and so filling! IMG_6155Please note that the salt rim around my sugar free lemonade was for presentation purposes only 😀

Wishing you all successful weeks and happy weigh ins- just keep reminding yourselves that every pound, half inch, quarter inch and ounce matters! Keep cooking and keep thinking positive.

C xx