So hey there! I feel I always need to start my posts with an assurance that I’m still alive and well- this obviously means I don’t post enough right?
I’ve been silent because I’ve not had much to post. No progress reports, no new recipes. I have been hiding away still in my own little world.
Following on my previous blog post, I have spent time doing a lot of things:
The past few months have seen me totally regress back to using coping mechanisms I am desperate to replace with healthier habits. I won’t lie- I have been comfort eating in such a big way that I have gained the majority of the weight I had lost last year.
It took me a while to figure out why I was doing it and it’s never one straightforward reason but I’ll list a few things here- just a little brainstorm- maybe you will read this and think “Yes, me too!”, or maybe you’ll just think “I’m unsubscribing now!”
- Fear– the fear of losing weight and what it means- What if I lose weight, become super skinny and am still crap at life? I’ll have just confirmed that I’m just a failure at life!
- Resignation– I’ve gained a chunk of weight, I’m always going to be the fat person, who am I kidding I might as well just stay fat.
- Security– my fat is my physical comfort blanket and armour.
- Comfort– I still have some toxic friendships/relationships in my life that I didn’t actually see as being toxic. In my own way I’ve just been comfort eating because it’s been bothering me a lot.
- Laze – in the words of my hangry mum “Sod the diet”. Mate, I like food. I like the taste, the feel, the smell, the nice warm feeling I get when I eat something. So it’s HARD to do this diet. And sometimes I have really not had the inclination.
The toxic relationship aspect was a new revelation- I have worked really hard to get rid of negative people in my life, and the realisation that there were still a few lurkers was surprising as it wasn’t the people I thought it would be! It’s given me a fresh perspective on how I handle the situation and how to ‘protect’ myself from it and not let it affect me. Sometimes you can’t just erase something from your life, but once you know what you’re dealing with, it makes it a whole lot easier to handle.
So that’s what I’ve been up to lately- working, thinking and getting FAAAAT.
Last year, I started this blog a few months into my weightloss journey- and today, I am starting over. My amazing consultant has been there for me- listening, scolding, supporting! And last week she said the thing that made me really REALLY focus:
Bring me back your rosettes
Readers- my face was a picture. I felt like we were in a cop movie when the Captain says “I need your badge and your weapon!”
So this week I returned my rosettes. I need to earn them again, we are starting over- new card, new starting weight.
And I am happy to report that my first entry was a 2lb loss and 5 and 3/4 inches lost!
Lets get cooking again- and don’t forget to check my instagram @charliekilosugar where I try to post my meal for the day on a regular basis.
Thank you so much if you got to the end of this post and a big thank you for sticking with me! The journey is never ever straightforward is it!